Soon
spreads the dismal shade of mystery over his head.
WILLIAM
BLAKE
Ironically,
Narcissa was almost looking forward to going back to school this year. The
atmosphere in her parents’ house had become tense and depressing, everyone
avoided mentioning Andy’s name – all of a sudden, there were countless touchy
subjects, like weddings in general, new-borns, liaisons of any kind, and
regardless what the newspapers were writing about – corrupt employees in the
Ministry, homicide or adultery – Cygnus Black would grunt, ‘Bet that’s been
just another of those jumped-up Muggleborns!’
No, Ted
Tonks had done the subject of integration no favour, not in this family anyway. Before all this,
Cygnus’ attitude had been indifferent on the subject. He had believed that
purebloods were better than half-bloods and Muggleborns, obviously, but he
hadn’t minded them either. ‘We’ve all been there once,’ he had used to say,
‘All the great old families were inevitably founded by one Muggleborn – Adam fodiente, quis nobilior, Eva nente’.* Well, that mildness was lost for
good.
In
Hogwarts, Narcissa would be free to do as she pleased, a liberty that she no
longer had since Andromeda’s downfall. She had to account for every minute of
her day, every owl she received; she sometimes even had to show the books she
was reading, so Cygnus could ascertain that the contents were appropriate for a
decent young girl. She had not argued with him about his new strictness – she
would never have talked back to him, and it was no use in this case to begin
with.
Even her
poor mother would be better off after September 1st. She had grown
accustomed to not having her daughters around during school time, and with her
youngest gone, she could pretend that Andromeda had simply left for school,
too. For the first time in six years, Narcissa gladly packed her trunk; for the
first time, her heart felt lighter when leaving for King’s Cross. There was yet
another thing that filled her with something like anticipation, and on the platform,
she unobtrusively gazed around to see if she could see Gibbon or Rosier
somewhere. They had written to her, but she hadn’t been allowed to read their
letters – Cygnus had intercepted all her post and burnt it before her eyes if
the sender was male, or went by the name of ‘Tonks’. Not that she was suddenly
all fond of the guys, but they had mutual friends, hadn’t they, and she was
quite curious about them. Not that they had written either.
“Be
good,” Amandine admonished her for the twentieth time. “And write very often!”
“Naturellement,
Maman,” she replied with her sweetest smile, kissing her mother on the cheeks.
She
embraced her father, too, who grumbled, “Don’t amuse yourself too much!”
“I won’t,
Papa. I’ll be the same diligent student that I’ve always been.”
She had
spotted Rosier and followed him into his compartment, finding Gibbon there,
too. She swiftly explained her postal situation over the summer, and Gibbon
murmured, “We’ve half expected that, after all the gossip. Are you all right
now?”
“I am fine, sure.”
“Look,
what we mainly meant to ask was –”
Evan
butted in, “We’ve got four vacancies to fill, and though the others and I have
a list of candidates, we felt we couldn’t make a decision without you. Nor the
initiation.”
The others – a bit more concise, boy! “Well,
who’ve you got then?”
“Luce had
a few suggestions in mind –” Narcissa pretended to take excessive interest in
her luggage, but deplorably, Evan didn’t elaborate on the point. “Mitchell
Wilkes, from your own year.”
“Rupert
Avery from the fifth year,” Horatio continued casually. “And Devlin Mulciber,
even though he’s just a Third Year. He’s a great talent for curses.”
“We – we
thought you might want to make a suggestion of your own. We thought you might
want some girl to back you up.”
“Back me
up? Oh please. But as a matter of
fact, I do have a suggestion to make, yes… I can choose whoever I want?”
“Sure.”
“But he’s
– a half-blood, you know?”
“Of
course I know, Evan. But does it truly matter?”
“Well – I
thought that you would mind in
particular, after…”
“After…?”
“Well,
after that business with Andromeda and her Mudblood lover –”
“Be so
kind and refrain from abusing my brother-in-law. However, I could by no means
blame poor Severus for my sister’s lapse, and he is an exceptional wizard, as you will certainly agree.”
Well,
they didn’t agree at once, but after half an hour of persistence on Narcissa’s
part, they gave in far enough to order the kid to their compartment for a
little interview before the final decision. He showed up, looking intimidated
and trying to hold Narcissa’s gaze for confirmation. She patted at the seat
next to her. “How were your holidays, Severus?”
“Better
than expected – my father was hardly there,” he muttered insecurely.
“I’m glad
to hear it. Listen, there are a couple of things that we would like to know
about you. For a start – have you got any inclination to become Prefect? Or
Head Boy?”
“Excuse
me?”
“Yes, I
know, you’re only in your Third Year, so it might appear a little premature,
but still – have you got serious career plans? Concerning Hogwarts, I mean?”
“I
haven’t really thought about it –”
“Look,
this is no trick question. What we basically want to know is – would you be
inconsolable not to be made a Prefect in your Fifth Year?”
“No one
would make me a Prefect anyway!”
“True.
How do you feel about – well – not playing strictly by the rules?”
“Which
rules?”
“Excellent
reply,” Evan whispered and nodded towards Gibbon, before specifying, “School rules, man.”
“Well…
I’d say the question is simply what you can get away with, isn’t it…?”
“Perfect.
He’s perfect.”
Gibbon
raised a hand. “Not so quickly, Rosie. Look, kid, we know that you’re good with
curses, and also that you’ve got the right attitude towards those smug Gryffindors,
but since you’re not in Hufflepuff, we need to know how you think about
loyalty.”
“Loyalty
to your friends,” Narcissa clarified with a smile.
The boy
blushed. “You mean yourself? Or Lucius Malfoy?”
Narcissa
thought she couldn’t smile any more encouragingly. “For example, yes.”
“Spit it
out, kiddo,” Horatio drawled and drummed his fingers on the window pane.
“I’ll
always be loyal to my friends,” he muttered earnestly. “Miss Black – and Mr
Malfoy’s been very kind to me, too…”
“Very
good. Broken the kid in well, Cissa. Being loyal to Miss Black, and Mr Malfoy
is an excellent start. I figure you could be very loyal to their friends, too?”
Narcissa
inwardly prayed that she didn’t let it show how the sheer mention of his name
affected her. Could they please delve
further into that matter?
But
Severus simply answered the question. “I guess so, yes?”
“And do
you think you can keep secrets?”
“I think
I can answer this with a definite yes.”
Narcissa
patted his arm and gave him her warmest smile. “To cut a long story short –
welcome to the club, Severus.”
“Yep,
welcome, pal. First thing you want to learn are the names. Miss Black is simply Cissa, among the seven of us –”
He
helplessly looked around. “Seven…?”
“Yes,
well, momentarily we’re just four, including you. We were seven, before Lucius, Damocles, Bertie and Graham graduated.
But you can congratulate yourself for being the first of our newcomers.”
So much
for that. The other three were called for, and just as delighted as young
Severus. Narcissa was satisfied to have introduced her protégé to the guys,
they’d do him good as far as his social diffidence was concerned, but she
became increasingly disappointed. Why was she hanging out with those – pardon
the term – dunderheads, if they did not deign to talk about their formidable
friend? Oh, how they had admired him
all those years, and now that he had left, they had forgotten all about him or
what?!
‘Calm
down’, she told herself, ‘what’s wrong with you?!’ She could easily imagine
what had happened. Oh yes. Lucius Malfoy had fancied her for quite some time,
she didn’t really doubt that. She knew she was good-looking, and all those
years, she had been right before his nose, and never given him a chance. That
had kindled his interest strongly enough, and he had had his victory when she
had agreed to go to the ball with him. Perhaps his infatuation – for it had
been nothing more than that, surely – might have lasted a little bit longer, if
he hadn’t got wind of Andromeda’s pregnancy. His pride certainly forbade him to
date the sister-in-law of a Muggleborn, and since they no longer saw each
other, there was little temptation for a fallback. Quantum oculis, animo tam
procul ibit amor!* Ph! Who was she to like such a guy? She was worth more than
that!
Her resolution
was firm, or that’s what she believed, for when she noticed one morning that
Severus had received a letter in a familiar hand, she could hardly bridle
herself. She pretended to drink her coffee, glimpsing over to her neighbour,
but Severus was leaning so unfavourably on his elbow, she couldn’t read
anything, so she asked casually, “Post from your mum?”
“No… Mr –
uhm – Lucius has written to me.”
“Has he?”
She buttered her toast with exaggerated attention, not looking over.
“Yes…”
Obstinate
child! “Anything interesting?”
“No… I
mean yes – he…” The boy blushed badly. “I
find it very interesting, of course!”
“He’s not
here, Severus. You can be candid.” – Be candid,
kid!
“No, it is interesting – to me. But you wouldn’t
care, you see…”
She gave
up; Evan had just settled opposite of her and he needn’t hear her inquiries.
She also ignored the following two letters that arrived in the next six weeks,
but on a particularly rainy morning in November – she hardly remembered how
sunshine must look, so long the weather had been abysmal – her patience finally
cracked. Nobody was sitting near them, and a tad more committed than she
approved of, she asked, “How come Lucius is writing to you so regularly?”
He lifted
his shoulders and shook his head. “I haven’t got the faintest idea.”
“Well,
what’s he writing?!”
“About
college… He always inquires about the Quidditch team… And he seemed very
pleased when I told him that I had been accepted to the –” He glanced around
and dropped his voice to a mere whisper, “The Club…”
“So
you’re answering him?”
“Of
course! It’s so kind of him to correspond with me!”
“Stop
being so bloody submissive! Why should he not
write to you?”
“Because
I wasn’t a close friend of him or anything. Isn’t he writing to you?”
She gave
a sarcastic laugh. “To me? I wasn’t a close friend of his either!”
He looked
puzzled, but it remained unclear if this was due to the statement as such, or
the uncommon vigour in her voice. “I – just thought – erm… Well, he surely wanted to be your friend –”
She
sneered angrily. “But only as long as none of my sisters got married to a
Muggleborn, right?”
“You
reckon he minds?” His anyhow sallow face turned a tad whiter yet. “You think he
despises me for my father as well?”
“He might
well despise your father, Severus.
Frankly, what you’ve related of him is
despicable. But there’s nothing wrong with you.
You are one admirable wizard, never forget that, and not even grand Lucius
Malfoy could miss it!”
“It’s not
my place to disagree with you, but… If you were right – I don’t get why he
would be bothered with your sister’s husband then. You’re a marvellous witch,
too, your parents are as pure as they could be, and what your sister does or
not has little to do with you –”
She made
a dismissive gesture and finished the conversation. If only the writer of the
letters had known which effect they had, he would have been vastly happy. No,
he hadn’t wasted as much as a thought to Andromeda’s inadequate marriage; he
had thought she was a daft cow anyhow. Neither did it affect his unrivalled
esteem for the youngest Miss Black. Yes, young Severus was thoroughly right in
saying that Lucius had very much wanted to be her friend, but his respect for
her also urged him to accept her refusal to deal with him in any small way. As
a matter of fact, his main reason for corresponding with Severus was that he
knew that he was Narcissa’s pet. Admirable wizard or not, what other reason
could he have to write letters to a thirteen-year-old boy, eh? He simply found
that this was the only way in which he could be close to Narcissa, as indirect
or absurd as it was.
Incidentally,
he was as discontent with Severus’ discretion as she was. She begrudged the
boy’s unwillingness to tell her what Lucius had written. Lucius was frustrated
because the kid would hardly mention
Narcissa in his responses. All right, he had explained how she had introduced
him to the Sepulture Septuplet – Lucius hadn’t expected anything else. Severus
had also mentioned that Narcissa, he and the Gryffindor girl had won a medal
for their potions work. But this was hardly the sort of information that Lucius
craved!
This
week, he was dating the older sister of one of his fellow students, Tamara. She
was blonde and pretty, with a good figure and a sort of natural grace. She
wasn’t even stupid, and if it hadn’t been for Narcissa, he would have assessed
her the most interesting girl he had gone out with so far. Tamara was real
girlfriend material, being friendly and funny as well, the sort of girl that
one ought to feel very comfortable with. Just that he didn’t.
She was blonde, for a start. Blonde
didn’t do; it reminded him too much of her.
Her hair was incomparable, everyone
else’s must necessarily look inferior, so he’d rather go for dark or red
straightaway. Secondly, he had found out that he preferred ‘silly’ to ‘smart’,
because no witch could rival Narcissa’s wit anyway, and he’d rather have no
conversation at all than one that made her shine even brighter. At last,
Tamara’s kindness made him feel guilty. He wasn’t in love with her, he would never
be, and because she was so nice, she
deserved better than that.
After a
truly pleasant night with Tamara, he was woken up by the pecking of an owl the
next morning, delivering a letter from Severus, or ‘Savvy’ as his new buddies
had dubbed him. Among other communications, he described the last stunt that
the Septuplet had pulled – under Narcissa’s reign. They had secured the entire
student body a day off by conjuring some thousands of birds to afflict the
castle – thousands of ravens, crows, hawks, sparrows, thrushes, and for some
floor confusion, the same numbers of penguins, chicken, turkeys and peacocks.
He just loved the idea, and that it had been Narcissa’s delighted him even
more. He read the letter two more times, searching for something between the lines and not noticing that he was smiling
nostalgically.
“What’s
so funny?” Tamara asked amiably from between the sheets.
“A friend
from Hogwarts’s written to me…”
“A female
friend, judging your grin.”
“What?
No. No, that’s Severus… He’s just told me a funny story.”
“That’s
nice. Since we’re awake so early, can I lure you back to bed for a little
re-enactment of tonight?”
He
hesitated and smiled at her. The thought that had been forming in his head for
some time now finally prevailed. He couldn’t do this. It just wasn’t fair. “No,
I don’t think so… Listen – I think we need to talk.”
“So it was a message from some girl, hm?” She
chuckled softly. “Your ex or something?”
“No, not
an ex. Someone who never was – and never will be – but… This doesn’t make any sense,
right?”
“Oh, I
guess it does. I’ve noticed all the time that you’ve been – well, distracted.”
“So
obvious, eh? Blast it, I need to go out with stupid girls again. You’re just
too perceptive.”
She
fumbled for her blouse on the floor. “I am, am I not? I would even go so far
and make a stab at who it is that
employs your mind so constantly. That photo on your desk, of your little club
in school – the only girl there, right? The Black girl? Bellatrix Black’s
little sister?”
“Too perceptive by far.”
“You miss
her?”
“Can you
miss someone you’ve never had?”
“Absolutely.
I will miss you, and I’ve never truly
had you either. Oh, come on, Lucius. This isn’t tragic. We’ve had a good time,
hadn’t we? And I do believe that you should give it a try with that girl, or
you’ll never know.”
“I’ve
given it a thousand tries. She simply doesn’t want me. She’s been extremely clear on that head.”
She
buttoned up her blouse and got up. “Now that
sounds tragic.”
* When Adam was digging and Eva was spinning – where was the nobility
then?
* Like out of the eyes, love will vanish from the heart.
*****
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